In a grift for the ages, comedian and former ClickHole writer Cole Hersch managed to appear on InfoWars, a show that somehow still exists, to pitch a unique mascot to the show’s hosts.
Hersch, who gained online popularity via video app Vine and has been described as a “professional social media trickster,” tweeted a segment of InfoWars on Friday in which he pitched a potential show mascot to far-right extremist and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones. The pitch mocks everything InfoWars and Jones stand for, from aggressively heterosexual patriotism to cuckoo conspiracy theories about vaccines.
A heads up: the pitch contains very NSFW language.
Hersch’s mascot is a “large, veiny American flag whose limbs are AR-15s.” His name? Cuck Slayer. He is “so straight that he’s always pissed off.” The potential InfoWars symbol loves to “go down on every ICE agent he sees” while still saluting them.
“Cuck Slayer will be given his own segment called InfantWars, where he’ll sneak inside children’s hospitals and go room to room, sucking the vaccines out of newborns like snake venom,” Hersch recites with a remarkably straight face.
Cuck Slayer will also ambush Planned Parenthoods with “re-bortions,” which is, as Hersch put it, “exactly what it sounds like.”
While Hersch read from his pitch, Jones appeared just as baffled as the rest of us when we are forced to endure his show.
Despite blatantly making fun of Jones and his show’s stances, Hersch was allowed to pitch his mascot in full.
“Thank you,” Jones said when Hersch concluded his pitch, apparently at a loss for words. “I love that. He sucks out the deadly vaccines like cobra poison.”
It is unclear if Jones took this pitch seriously or if his brains are just too addled to grasp what was happening.
In the last few months, Hersch has made it his mission to come up with absurd mascots. He went viral in September when he snuck into a Zoom meeting for Saddleback College students to discuss replacing their very unfortunate mascot, “Gaucho,” with a more culturally sensitive one. Hersch pitched “TittyPussy,” a “woke, sloppy goblin girl” who rides around campus in roller skates and encompasses everything conservatives fear in progressive institutions — which is probably how he ended up on InfoWars.
Hersch has also pitched “FuckAss,” a potential Walgreens mascot whose pastimes include guzzling shampoo and skateboarding.
The exchange about Cuck Slayer appears at the 1:23-minute mark in Jones’ show from Oct. 9, which still appears on YouTube despite the social media company’s ban of his show and its particular brand of insidious conspiracy and misplaced rage.