It’s been a pretty appalling year, in a lot of different ways. There’s so much in the news with the power to get us down. But we must rise above the negativity and look at the world through different eyes for 2021.
Lets tie this one up in good humour then, shall we? This holiday season, across PC Gamer, we’re looking back at some of the coolest stuff that came out this year and talking about what made it so good. But trying to remember the exact names of different bits of tech is tough, so sometimes we end up getting accidentally or deliberately renaming them.
Why? Because hardware manufacturers and their marketing departments can be pretentious as all hell, and well… why the hell not?
Seems like we need a giggle, so here you go, a glimpse into the PCG hardware hivemind. When you forget the actual convoluted marketing name for a bit of tech, maybe you’ll remember these instead: Better names for stuff, PCG style.
Oculus Quest 2 – Lookamajig Reality-rejecter 2
Ever wanted to pretend the external world isn’t there and disappear into another one entirely? With the Lookamajig Reality-rejecter 2, you’ll soon forget all about that boring place you used to inhabit and the pesky responsibilities of… what was it called again, Earth? It’s like a holiday from your own body. Now with more RAM!
Why all the edgy, snaky names, Razer? This lovely gaming mouse is comfy, unassuming, and helpful; why make it sound like a scary murdernoodle? Please, let’s get some more wholesome names up in here, then we’ll rate 5 stars. Right now though: 3/5—boop at own risk.
First of all, where does all that data go to? Another dimension? Secondly, where did all my money go? This pocket-sized piece of kit will eat up $1,500 of your savings in the blink of an eye, and shifts so much data so fast it may as well be a black hole. I wonder how the world looks from the data event horizon.
This second wave of Nvidia RTX cards make the gaming world look sparkly and new, but still manage to deliver trusty framerates. It’s like everything’s been coated with some kind of digital glitter-paste. If this isn’t a festive one, we don’t know what is.
They’re big, they’re friendly, and they… collect acorns? I don’t know. I just love the fact these were nicknamed Big Navi by adoring fans and wanted to take it a step further. Aren’t they adorable, though?
It’s already got a pretty sweet name, but this one deserves an even more hardcore name, one that sounds like its come straight off the front of a heavy metal album. This is the future of gaming, and it needed an exceptionally brutal name to match those raw multi-threaded performance numbers.
CPU microarchitecture code names already sound like amazingly dreamy holiday destinations, don’t you think? With Comet Lake blasting into the spotlight this year, it seems like these sought after retreats are shifting further and further afield, now encroaching on the vastness of space. Maybe when we start to colonise other planets, they’ll be named appropriately.
PlayStation 5 – Biggé Dualboi wait-less
This fancy new addition to the Playstation console lineup is quite the large. It also contains not one but… more than one feature. “How many?” you ask. Some. With axed load times, this stylish boi almost makes like a PC, but mostly it just looks like a 1950’s Greaser-cross-Stormtrooper.
It may not be a PC—though these next-gen consoles are coming up pretty close—it still looks super cool on the street corner, puffin on that vape stick. Wow. I wish I was as cool as the Xbox. It’s not into puffing on the harder stuff, so it’ll always remember where you left your game with it’s handy Quick Resume feature.
We can’t believe we have to say this, but please do not blow vape smoke into your Xbox Series X.November 11, 2020
It’s sharp by name and sharp by nature. This laptop is the essence of refinement. A beautifully elegant machine should have a slick nickname to mat—oh for Christ’s sake. Who let the hivemind have a say, again?