Cyberpunk 2077 is almost out. It’ll finally release on December 10 (exact unlock time to be determined), and this time, we’re pretty sure the delays are over.
Naturally, if you’ve been waiting a long time for something, you want the experience to be as perfect as it can be when it finally happens. On opening night of Spider-Man 3 in 2007, I remember a friend sprinting into the theater the moment they lifted the velvet rope, dashing toward the best possible seats. He wasn’t about to watch Spider-Man 3 from some shit-tier seat in the second row.
(He was ultimately disappointed by Spider-Man 3, as were we all, but the important thing is that it wasn’t because of our seats.)
Good news: I doubt anyone is likely to steal your Cyberpunk 2077 seat. A cat or a dog, maybe, but you can politely move them (your experience may vary depending on cat/dog specifics). Still, if you’ve been anticipating Cyberpunk 2077 for eight years now, you want to make sure everything is just right. Here are some ideas for your Cyberpunk playing preparation.
1. Schedule time off from work, if needed
If you need an excuse, here are some options:
- “I have to go to the doctor for my yearly Voight-Kampff test.”
- “I am pretty sure my grandmother’s funeral, which I previously put in time off requests for on April 16, September 17, and November 19, won’t get delayed again.”
- “I’m taking time off to play the big new videogame, Orwell’s Animal Farm.”
2. Get a candle that smells like California
For the full experience, you need to activate all the senses, right? Cyberpunk 2077 takes place in a fictional Northern California city in 2077, and I don’t know what the future will smell like, but I do know what Northern California smells like. It smells more or less like gasoline, the ocean, weed, and forest fires.
This Northern California scented candle from Homesick doesn’t have any of those ingredients in it, but it probably smells nice anyway.
Technically, Night City is between San Francisco and Los Angeles, so maybe your best bet is to get the San Francisco and Los Angeles candles and light them simultaneously. In my experience, the cities smell roughly the same, except that San Francisco’s odor is mildly snobbier.
Above: Our latest video of Cyberpunk 2077 gameplay with commentary.
3. Watch Possessor
This 2020 horror movie, which was directed by Brandon Cronenberg (son of David Cronenberg), has nothing directly to do with Cyberpunk 2077, but it could be said to involve a few cyber things, including a machine which allows the possession of other people’s bodies, and a great scene involving VR. It’s available for rent on Amazon, and might get you in a cyberpunk-ey mood (note: it’s extremely violent).
4. Put RGB LEDs in your toilet
Chris made his toilet glow, and now it’s a cyber toilet. If you also have a cyber toilet, you’ll never have to break immersion, even when taking a necessary break from Cyberpunk 2077.
5. Get some microwave popcorn, the most cyberpunk snack
What makes microwave popcorn cyberpunk? Glad you asked:
- The microwave is the most cyberpunk kitchen appliance. That’s just a fact.
- Popped and unpopped kernels resemble binary code.
- PoP, or ‘point of presence,’ is a networking term. That’s cyber.
- ‘Kernel’ is also a computing term, referencing the core of an operating system. Cyber.
- ‘Corn’ just means corn, but that’s OK.
6. Update your video drivers
If you have an Nvidia GPU, you might have to log into GeForce Experience to download the latest drivers, and when you do, you’ll probably be confronted with one of those captchas where you have to identify crosswalks or busses. That’s pretty cyberpunk, because you’re telling a computer what our world looks like—very dangerous.
Also, it’s a good idea to have the latest drivers so that you can achieve the best performance your GPU is capable of. There will definitely be new drivers to go along with Cyberpunk 2077—every big game gets a driver update—so keep an eye out.
7. Read some of our other articles about Cyberpunk 2077 and the cyberpunk genre
8. Clear some space
Cyberpunk 2077 is roughly 70 GB, and with its photo mode you know you’re going to be taking lots of pictures. You might want to start clearing some space on your SSD now.
I’ll take some guesses at what you can delete:
- 20GB of gameplay footage you recorded in the hopes that you’d catch something funny or impressive, but that you’re never going to look through.
- A game you forgot you installed because you never open Origin.
9. Eternal Sunshine yourself to remove all memories of RTX 30-series graphics cards
Problem: You want to play Cyberpunk 2077 looking as good as it possibly can, but your graphics card is a couple generations old, and the hardware shortage means you haven’t been able to upgrade.
Solution: Attempt to forget about the concept of ray tracing entirely, so that from your perspective it does look as good as it can. (Note: The device from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind does not exist, so you’ll have to invent one.)
Seriously, though, any big plans for December 10? Let us know in the comments.